Newlywed at 27

Being a newlywed didn't sound so different than our serious relationship we were already in, but I'm here to tell you---things got a lot more serious.  True teamwork comes with a marriage, or should.    Back during a cold month of being 26 an argument occurred (not with me, surprisingly) about why somebody (no name) dislikes someone else (again, no name).  The only, and I do mean the only, reason the arguer had to like unsaid person was that they are "nice."  Newsflash:  Being nice doesn't make you a likeable person.  While it certainly can't hurt to be kind, I've found in my adult years to find my likeness of others to be in their honesty, intelligence, humor, professionalism, goals, ambitions, sincerity, as well as their ability to try new things, make time for others, thoughtfulness, and so forth.  I mean sure, if we all liked every nice person the world would probably be a better place, but so dull.  I'm not saying cause a ruckus and be hateful, I'm saying, be kind, but be selective with your likings.  After all, who and what you like says a lot about you.

This really is leading to our newly found knowledge as newlyweds.  When you don't like someone, be cautious who you let know.

During these short six months of marriage Jon and I have both learned to solely confide in each other on certain discussions.  We've truly experienced the wrath that comes with divulging information to individuals, who:

A)  Cannot contain the information.
B)  Dramatize the information.
C)  Attempt to look like the victim.
D)  Take passive aggressive actions.

My advice if you're about to be a newlywed, are a newlywed, or are just trying to save the drama for yo mama is to confide in your spouse, the one confidant you have.  Vent to that person, cry to that person, yell to (not at) that person and let that person do the same with you.  I know what you're probably thinking, "this is so not true, I can trust my mom!"  And I'm sure you can, just as I can.  But the sad truth is, you cannot confide in everyone.  I've found that having a spouse trumps all listening ears when it comes to exposing feelings.  They allow you to change your mind without judgment, like somebody one day and dislike them another, be mad one minute and happy the next.

But how do I discontinue person and personal conversations with an untrusting individual?  It takes a little practice, so it's good to go in with a game plan:

1.  Make a goal to change the topic if negative conversations about another person comes up.

2.  Do not engage.  Do not engage.  Do not engage.  As a girl this is probably a little tougher because we are chatty little creatures.  The worst thing you can do with someone you cannot trust is to engage in their negative conversation about another person.  It will 99% of the time come back to haunt you.  While this may work fine with your girlfriends, there are individuals that you've got to bite your tongue with.  Your words go in one ear, out their one mouth and it all generates back to you looking like a five letter word.

3.  Positive reinforcement, for example: 
Instigator:  "I cannot believe she bought that purse, it's so ugly." 
You:  "I have plenty of strange pieces that no one would purchase!"  OR a personal favorite, "To each their own."
A gossip queen does not want to continue conversing with someone who doesn't bash the same.

I can tell you firsthand our game plan proved to be successful.  Of course, if you don't have a spouse, you have to talk to someone, just know everyone is willing to listen, choose wisely.


{Happy Tuesday}